Finding Your New Normal: Managing The Emotional Transition to Motherhood
The birth of new life also comes with the death of old in almost all living things. The emotional transition to motherhood of women reflects that as it is both a hard and profound human experience. The overwhelming emotions of baby blues that you feel is also experienced by almost 85% of mothers in the US.
Life after childbirth feels like your room has been turned upside down. It’s still your room but beyond recognition. It’s even harder when you have no time to figure it out because you’re exhausted and in pain from pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding.
There is so much judgement and pressure towards new moms in our society. So, allow this post to be a safe space for you to navigate your transition to motherhood and figure out how you can emotionally adjust into your mom era in your unique way.
Interesting Research About Childbirth and Postpartum
If you’re not diagnosed with PPD or postpartum depression but still feel that hole in your identity as you become a mom and simultaneously want to care for your child, you might be experiencing a natural human evolution called matresence.
Several studies by Dr. Alexandra Sacks and Lucy Jones show a more comprehensive take on why most postpartum moms experience the emotional push and pull of motherhood or so called matresence. They explained that it is a stage in a woman’s life similar to the change we experience during the pubescent period.
As Dr. Sacks put it, matresence is the emotional tug of war of moms. It is the emotional transition to motherhood wherein they are naturally pulled towards their babies due to the natural increase of oxytocin in their bodies after birth and skin to skin contact.
However, at the same time being pulled away by the desire to restore their identity, hobbies, work, intellectual and spiritual life and their sense of autonomy.
Dr. Sacks and Ms. Jones suggest that when moms preserve a part of their identity, they are also making room for their child to make their own.
Why Most Moms Struggle with Their New Identity
The emotional landscape of new motherhood is rarely discussed openly in our society. Beyond the expected joy of having a baby, there’s a profound identity shift that catches many women off guard.
Such internal struggle isn’t just about adjusting to a new routine. It’s about reconciling who you were before with who you’re becoming.
Consider your identity as a beautiful silk cloth you’ve woven over the years. Now, you’re being asked to weave in new, unfamiliar threads while some of the old ones seem to be slipping away. This process can feel overwhelming because:
Internal Changes:
- Your priorities naturally shift, sometimes causing guilt about previous interests
- Time for self-reflection becomes scarce yet more necessary than ever
- Relationships with friends, family, and partner transform
- Career goals and personal ambitions need reshaping
- Your body feels foreign and different
- Previous coping mechanisms might not work anymore
External Pressures:
- Society’s expectations of the “perfect mother”
- Well-meaning but overwhelming advice from others
- Social media portrayal of motherhood
- Pressure to “bounce back” physically and emotionally
- Changes in professional identity
- Shifting dynamics in relationships
Understanding Your Emotional Evolution & Transition to Motherhood
Just as your body created space for your baby, your identity is creating space for motherhood too. This emotional transition to motherhood, though natural, can feel unsettling on the surface. Here’s what makes this transition unique:
- The simultaneous gain and loss: While gaining the precious role of mother, you might feel like you’re temporarily losing parts of yourself. Both feelings are valid and normal
- The identity integration process: Your pre-mom identity isn’t gone, it’s evolving to include your new role. This integration takes time and patience so give yourself some grace.
Find Your New Normal As A New Mom
As Brianna Weist once said, “You will never find peace standing in the ruins of who you used to be. You can only move on if you start something new”. So let’s start to restore who you are and begin your emotional transition to motherhood by adding a new normal slowly in micro steps until you feel you again.
Embrace Every Emotion—It’s Part Of The Process
Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or even doubtful doesn’t mean you’re failing as a mom. It means you’re human navigating something new, something you haven’t lived on yet. Give yourself the grace in times when emotions come rushing down all at once and feel emotions without guilt and judging yourself.
Rest in Small but Meaningful Ways
You may not get full sleep, but small moments of rest—like closing your eyes while feeding or taking deep breaths—can help recharge you. Babies wake up almost every three hours and within those windows you can also catch some sleep. Small things still add up.
Ask for and Accept Help
You are not meant to do motherhood alone. It takes a village to raise a child so let others support you. Whether it’s through meals, chores, or simply holding the baby while you shower makes a lot of difference.
Ditch the Idea of Perfect Motherhood
No one has it all figured out. Your child doesn’t need perfection—they just need you beside them present, alive and healthy. Celebrate your small wins if that means surviving a day without your husband at home or staying alive despite the sleepless nights and letting go of unrealistic expectations thrown by society to you.
Protect Your Mental Health
As your hormones fluctuate in the first months after giving birth, make sure to reach out when sadness or anxiety lingers beyond two weeks. Postpartum depression is real and has symptoms that go unnoticed. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
When The Emotional Load Gets Too Heavy, We’re Here To Help
Many women suffer in silence in handling the emotional toll of postpartum life. It is the golden time that makes mothers the strongest people in the world. Our society may not understand what a mother has to go through but our team celebrates your strength to bring life into this world.
You don’t need to carry it all alone. Our team can support you until you get back on your feet again.
Essential Wellness is a home health care agency in South Florida that aims to support newborn mothers in their postpartum recovery or families with multiple children. Our services include:
Our nurses and homemakers are all trained and skilled to nurse your baby and prepare all your need so you can focus on rest and recovery. You may avail our free consultation to know your options.
Take one day at a time. Your first days or months as a mom may not be as you expected but you surviving the nine months of pregnancy and childbirth is already a great feat. We hope you recognize that as you start integrating motherhood into your life.
